Wedding Assumptions, Debunked (and Ranted)

It’s not even noon over here at my office and already have been verbally assaulted by several wedding-related assumptions that down right pissed. me. off.

First. Fridays at my office are donut days; a few people rotate buying donuts for the group. I love donuts. I always eat a donut or two on Fridays. This morning as I was going over to grab one there was a woman in a different department fixing her morning coffee in the kitchen, and the CEO of my company walked in just as I was searching through the donut box to make my pick. He sees what I’m doing and says, “Stay away from those!” all jovial and bright. And I look up confused and ask why, and he says, “Aren’t you getting married? You can’t be eating those!” and the woman fixing her coffee laughs and says, “Yeah! You’re engaged! You aren’t supposed to be eating like that!”

First of all: want to piss me off? Make a comment about what I eat. Want to piss me off further? Assume that I need to limit or change what I do in my day-to-day life simply because I’m getting married. Now get out of the way so I can go get another donut.

Second. You’ll need a bit of a background info here: Our building manager comes around and says good morning almost every day. He’s a bit of an awkward guy, a bit older and religious, but is genuinely a nice guy. As soon as he heard I was engaged he asked if he could start calling me my new name, and then asked if I knew how to “treat my husband nicely.” I told him he could wait to call me my new name until after I got married (I decided to completely skip over the part of the argument that would be, “Hey, what if I don’t change my name? That is optional, you know.” because it’s the work place and I don’t want thinks to get awkward) and that I treat everyone nicely. His response was, “I just don’t want to see your husband all sad because you aren’t treating him nicely.” I told him I treat everyone nice, he said that “Your husband is different. You gotta take care of him.”

Anyway. Mere minutes after the first encounter, the building manager comes by and says good morning. He stops and stares at me until I look up from my computer (pretty standard behavior on his part), and I look over at him as he asks, “Has it changed yet?” Meaning, “Have you gotten married and changed your name yet? Can I start calling you by your new name yet?” I said no. He gave me the most confused and quizzical look and asked, “Is… everything on schedule?” Meaning, “… is everything okay? are you still getting married?”

All of the sexist comments about name changing and taking care of your husband aside, this is where I work. This is not where I discuss my personal life. What if my engagement did fall through and I collapsed into a crumpled, weeping pile on the floor over my love life? Of course this is not the case, but I don’t appreciate having my personal life prodded before I’ve even finished my first cup of coffee (and my first donut).

Finally. I was published on xoJane the other day talking about my outlook on wedding planning. Basically that, though I am having a wedding, I am not going to allow the wedding planning process to take over my life and my relationship, and I will not be placing unrealistic expectations of my wedding day being the Best Day Of My Life as added pressure to the wedding planning process. When it was published I literally broke out into a sweat knowing that something I wrote would have such a wide audience. Nearly all the commenters are quite nice, and even if they disagree with my stance have been totally respectful… until this morning (of course! why not!). A woman went off on a rant about how I was judgemental and trying to be the “cool bride” and I think my relationship is better than everyone else’s… simply because I’m choosing not to worry about centerpieces and color schemes.

Obviously, someone’s wedding is ultimately about them, and their partner. After that, it’s about their families. From the very beginning stages of wedding planning I was told of many things that I needed to do which included colors, flowers, centerpieces, etc. I decided to hell with tradition, I don’t need anything unless I want it. And I don’t want colors or flowers (I admit that center pieces are kind of unavoidable, otherwise the room would be quite drab). If you want a million colors and so many flowers that it looks like a botanical garden, go. for. it. Get it girl, get. it. I hope it’s an explosion of color and flower petals and you feel like a princess and that it’s everything you want. I just don’t. And I think that should be okay.

(Inhales deeply, exhales slowly.)

Thank you. Happy Friday, ya’ll. This weekend is another wedding, and then another wedding reception, then we are done with weddings until our own! Woohoo!


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